Eight months

Eight months later writing poems in the same chair. Sometimes it works better when I ain't here. A lot of times I act like I don't care life keeps Falling apart when I ain't there. Ain't scared to tell you I'm lost. It's just a homemade cross. Credit scores, payment costs it didn't cost the world but it cost a lot. Wasn't kidding when I said these were the best times. Best lines came in depressed times. Move on move out if they stop you pick up and build a new route keep em watching. Wasn't one to pick apart  a sunny day. Keep the sun at my back I'm on my way. Ignore the fact that you're a runaway, some run faster than others it's a funny race. One foot in front of the other, where lightning strikes there is bound to be thunder. 

The end

This is what I rapped at the final if any of you were wondering.

Bout time to go to work another day another dollar

Rock my favorite shirt had to iron out the collar

Iron out the creases in my life with good karma

Been working out hoping that it help me live longa

If she don't work out then at least I'll be stronga 

Times I felt helpless couldn't take it any longa

My Friends be wakin up breathin marijuana 

Spent the Fall liftin burnin steam like a sauna

A lot of different cliques that I no longer belong ta

Show no love to the ones that did me wrong

Cause energy is strong

Move your soul like a song does 

I ain't worried about them I was born tough

Grew money out of the emptiness of your love

But the vibe is still real

No one dying for a cause they just dying for a thrill

Environment still how you feel inside your mind 

Heart 93 felt shivers down my spine

Got to be deliberate

This is my deliverance

Pretty sure it's destiny

But really what's the difference

Millions of moments in time looking for significance 

Kids using drugs like there is nothing that they couldn't fix

Can't remember how it felt to be innocent 

Can't go back wonder how it ends

Bite from an apple kids follow trends

Money make you act like something 

that you ain't

Reminds me of the days where we 

were young and never lonely

But I've been dying from my dreams getting no sleep 

Reality

There are 7 billion people on this earth why should I give a damn what this one stranger thinks of me?

Fear makes everything fade to black even my faded heart of gold like the things that matter are so hard to hold. In a casket are the dead and cold. But I wait for the light at the end of the tunnel till it hits me and it was a train.

I speak to you in riddles because my words get in the way 

2K14

I don't know about all of you guys but I just came to party
Late nights with no sleep
Just dancing and singing till our knees collapse with our lungs
I didn't come for classes
I came to have a good time and a little bit of fun
I did it for my friends and my team

I did it for the ones who don't know themselves

I did it for the ones lookin for nothing

I did it for the ones who had everything but were lonely

I did it for myself to feel free again
I just came to party
I came back for the ladies I will never see again
for the late night kisses stressin the next call
Lookin for the next one
Regretting all the things I never did
Plan to make things happen that never could
Remembering all the nights I didn't take advantage of
Wishing I could go back with them again

I just came to lose myself so I could find the real me

Lost in sketchy ideas of what is really right

I came to meet new people and just be me 

This is my bow out of 2014

Nobody

I will let you know right now nobody cares! They do not care if you will graduate! They do not care if you will do anything productive with your life!! They do not care what school you will be going to, or what party you will be attending, or wether or not you got a good nights rest. Nobody will care when you fade from their memory. Nobody will care what you did in highschool because it means absolutely nothing. 

WAKE UP!!!!!

We do not care what you did when you were five, or last year, or last month. 

Stop talking about the past!!

You can not change the past! It is set in stone, so stop trying. Why would you want to change it in the first place?! Oh you made a couple mistakes? Well welcome to life we all make mistakes!!

I will tell you this though, I would not change my past for anything! It made me who I am today. If you are unhappy about where you are at in life make some changes in your life! Don't talk about change make it happen!!

You are the only one in control of your life so make the changes YOU NEED

Got to be deliberate 

This is my deliverance 

Pretty sure it's destiny

But really what's the difference 

Staying in moments 

trying to find significance 

#realtalk

Man you want something real? Alright, I wake up every morning at 4:30 to make it on time to wrestling practice. I practice for an hour and a half and get ready for school. Once I get home I change into workout clothes hit the gym and go from there to another wrestling practice for two and a half hours. By the time I get home I am so tired it's hard to not fall asleep while walking around. 

You want something real? I lose fifteen pounds on a regular basis. I kill my body all week so that I can perform my best. Now wrap your mind around that.

I would rather work out alone than be wth anyone. Friends don't matter because I don't have time for that. I have time for my dreams and that's it. If you think I'm kidding ask people who really know me. I barely have time for school. My dreams keep me up because if I'm not getting better my opponent is. If I'm not the hardest working man alive I will work until I am. 

I don't have time to party. I don't have time for anything but my wrestling aspirations. Now that's something real. 

(no title)

I can't sleep

I can't think 

I can't breathe

 

I will do anything on earth to feel free

The Thoughts

Late night thoughts keep my pen rollin.

Heartachin cause I'm storm chasin.

She's a devil in disguise that stole my soul as a sacrifice.

Tryna play nice with an icy heart.

Losin faith in me, you, and us.

Givin up on dreams because I haven't slept since last year.

I'm calling to say this won't be worth the tears. 

I'm ready to face my fears alone. 

It's Hard to Breathe

I find it is hard to breathe
Your lies are suffocating me
I'm in to deep with secrets to escape

Your lies are tangling nooses
I can see the shadows sing
Time stands still
Maybe this is all a dream
I may never wake up

If you could give me a reason to start again
Give me a reason to breathe
Like the way you did before

Wake up and take my hand
We could find a way to breathe

Your eyes are swallowing me
the mirrors are whispering
my skin is smothering me

Man I remember!!

Man I remember the first time I felt a beat... I'm not talking about listening I'm talking about actually feelin it, you know deep inside your soul that pulls words out like a rain storm. 

I remember when she smelled like sugar and flowers and smoke!! It was intoxicating. It's one of those things I will never forget because no one forgets their first heart ache. 

I remember the first time I won a wrestling match. I weighed in at 110 lbs against my opponent from Alta and pinned him in the second round! It made mom so proud.

I remember the day I crashed my dirt bike. I was more worried of what my dad would say about the condition of the bike than I was about the condition of my body. I tore the skin from my hands, knees, and elbows. I walked the bike home and got into the house before I realized I was even bleeding. 

I remember when I got in my first fight. It was behind the football bleachers. The fight ended fast. I remember thinking I was tough. I don't even know how the fight started. 

I remember sleeping in the rain. I didn't come in because I felt like it was washing away my sins. That was the best night of sleep I have ever had. 

The Tragic and Untimely Death of Kal Donovan

Kal realizing he was no longer alive walked to the end of his hallway. It didn't seem like he had really died, however he remembered getting shot. Clutching his wound, seeing his bloodstained hands. He had no doubt that it was the end. Reaching the doorway at the end of the hallway he opens the door into an expansive theater. It wasn't all that surprising to Kal that it was showing his life on the screen. He took the only seat in the theater and watched himself grow to the age of 27. He watched as he learned to walk and talk. He watched as him and his dad went fishing for the first time. Oh how he loved fishing. Where did all of his time go. He did what he was supposed to what everyone was supposed to. He graduated highschool, went to college, got a job and started a family. He was a civil engineer working on a new bridge. He had everything he ever wanted.

In the corner of the screen Kal saw something he didn't really expect. It was showing a man he had never met, well not really. He knew it was the man that shot him but that is all he knew. The man was scaveging food from a trash can. The man left with a few scraps, Kal watched as the man walked under the very bridge that Kal had been working on. 

Under the bridge was a small family. This broke Kals heart. They reminded him so much of his own. The man had a young wife and two sons just like Kal. 

It started rewinding slow at first but it picked up speed as it went. It slowed down and then resumed. The man was asking for a loan from a well dressed man. It skipped ahead he was getting beaten by the man next to a burning building. It must have been his home. 

It skipped ahead once more and the man was walking down the street by Kals house. He saw himself walking towards the man. He knew it was coming but he couldn't help but flinch when the shot went off. 

The man went through Kals pockets and took everything he had on him. Kal shivered, it was odd watching your own death. The scene skipped ahead and the man was given a key in exchange for Kals wallet, by the same well dressed man he had got the loan from. How strange.. 

It skipped forward again and the man and his family were opening a door to an apartment in the inner city. Kal had given his life so another could survive, survival of the fittest or the most evolved I guess. It would seem his untimely death was really just a new beginning.

Black out

Warriors start slowly

The golden warriors stumble

8 shots

Falling by 11s 

Forcing two to steady

And realize theres still plenty to knock off