I'm done

I will no longer be writing for a number of reasons. 

Too short, too long

All it is, is off and on, off and on, I know it won't be that long

Holding strong, holding strong, it won't be long

Intoxicated

I'm intoxicated just can't take it 

Everyday of my life I feel like I'm faded

To a place I don't recognize or care to be

All this care free living don't really scare me

I said I'm intoxicated just can't take it

Everyday of my life I feel like I'm kinda faded

I don't wanna be don't wanna don't wanna be

I just want to go home

To where my bed is 

To Where my heart lies

To where my chest gets big when I talk to bar flies

Where it's actually refreshing to sniff the outside

And on Sunday mornings we like to go for a drive

Where our shoes fit nice and everybody is polite

And I can say your girls pretty without starting a fight

Because we all self aware nobody is jealous

And she doesn't get mad when I kick it with the fellas

Cause she knows that she's mine and I know that I'm hers

I've learned self expression through rappin my words

I've learned every situation doesn't have a cure

And I know I'm gonna make it through at least I'm pretty sure

I've been gone for sometime just long enough to feel that the churning in my stomach is actually real

I called home the other night and felt it go away

I might be gone for a time but you know I can't stay

Cause I'm intoxicated just can't take it

Everyday of my life I feel like I'm faded

To a place I don't recognize or care to be

I just wanna go home

Home where the road only knows one path

Where my nose can tell me where exactly I'm standing at

Cause familiar smells bring comforting feelings

Helps us forget these prison cells even have ceilings

Helps to cope with the feelings that we talk with to the dawn 

Another late night doubtful and when the day breaks I'm gone 

We're all just pawns in this game 

And I just keep on singin

And my phone keeps ringin

And my head keeps spinnin

And I keep on thinkin that there's something that I'm forgettin 

Heaven/Hell

Twisting lines of the bible because I know once upon a time I was told if I was good I would make it to heaven. 

It's hard to do good when you got more demons than the number of angels in the heavens. 

Living in hell because I like the heat. I always liked fire anyways. 

Selling my soul to be a lady killer, billionaire.

We are all just sinners and thieves some of us just have better masks. 

Thick smoke

I'm not saying I made the best decisions. Or what I did was right. I did what I did cause it was cool or maybe it's because peer pressure is harder than they say it really is. 

The real reason was because I liked how the smoke would come out milky white and curl around me. It would take form in front of me and tell me how to write. It cleared my mind. I'll be honest I made some of my best decisions while thick smoke surrounded me.

When it's just you and your thoughts and a clear mind and no worries problems can be fixed. What seemed like a hurdle is actually just a step in a ladder.

I'm definitely not saying it's a cure all, it's not, it just causes new problems. Like family ties don't quite seem as important and friends wouldn't quite understand. Just me and the thick smoke. Losing my mind with every breath. Regaining consciousness with every line I would write. Life was simpler and things made sense.

I mean I didn't think I would ever do it in my entire life. But look at what happened. Now my dreams consist of thick forests, white smoke, and my demons.

I don't know what I really want from me. I know it doesn't have to do with this. 

I cleaned up and found god. I think that's the only way. Yeah it's not addictive but it is. You can't feel like that any other way so.. You tell me what you think. But it's been 8 months and I have never seen things more clearly and my poems actually make sense. I can finally walk into my house with out shades on. I can look my mom in the eye now and tell her I'm free. My dad stopped questioning me every night. My friends understand and help me the best they can. The last 8 months have been the best of my life and I'm sober. You don't need substances to "live your life." I'm doing just fine with out it. 

Every girl

Every girl I have ever dated has daddy issues. And maybe it's because I can relate because when your father has been drunk for most of your life you tend to have a few issues. It's something I can't escape by sleepin because for the longest time he was my nightmare day in and day out. So maybe that is why every girl I dated has daddy issues. 

Every girl I have dated has brown hair and brown eyes. I could tell them they had beauty but they would never believe me because "who likes brown hair and dull brown eyes?" If they could only see what I saw.

Every girl I have ever dated is a queen. Every girl deserves to be treated like royalty. I would say if a guy ever stops treating you like royalty then he isn't the one, but that can only go on for so long. I did my best but it's never enough. I can only be a gentlemen for so long before I can't take it. I mean we all have tempers and it's impossible not to get angry when you get nothing in return. 

Every girl I have ever dated says I leave them wanting more. I can't give them everything because I'm to tied up to all my fears and failures and frankly my dear I don't give a damn.

They always say I'm too cold. Well let me put it this way if I can't escape the prison inside my mind what makes you think I can make it through a labyrinth of emotions.

I don't have enough time in my life to figure myself out so it's going to be as hard as hell for you. 

Angels

Are we hoping to just find that Angel in bed that can wrestle the Devil right out of our head? Saying every second is heaven even though I know perfectly the skies say it's hell